Marc Estes

This year I will be celebrating the 30th year of being a parent. I by no means claim to be an expert and have a long ways before I could ever even spell the name, “DOBSIN” (just kidding, I know it is Dobson).  Over these three decades I must admit that I have made many mistakes, yet have also made some good decisions as well. Through it all, I have landed on some basic foundation truths that I  have instilled in my children that have produced some pretty good children that I have grown to deeply love and respect.

If you are just beginning the journey as a parent, or are somewhere along the way, you might read carefully, as each of these truths were forged through much effort on both the part of my wife and I, as well as our children. Here is my top ten list to build strong children:

1. Teach Them to Love God and Cherish His Word – The most important thing you can ever do for your child is to help them see that God is the most important thing in their lives.  If you could only do one thing for your child, teach them to love God and His Word. Make church a priority. Do family devotions. Read the Bible with them. Establish a passion for spiritual disciplines in their lives.
2. Model your Values, Don’t Preach Them – The principle of “Do what I say, not what I do” just doesn’t work. Children become a byproduct of their environment. The language you speak, the music you listen to, the shows you watch, the comments you make about others, the attitudes you carry will most likely become implanted into your children.  I tried my best to show my children certain values, not just tell them certain values. What you live is what they will get!
3. Develop Deep Personal Relationships – The balance to a home that expects high values and morals is deep, personal relationships. Your children are the most important people you could ever spend time with. Let your kids know they are deeply loved. Be honest and transparent. Ask forgiveness when you are wrong. Learn to have fun at their level. 
4. Don’t Compromise Your Convictions for their Acceptance – Learn to stand for your convictions, even if your child is upset with you. I used to always tell my daughters, “I am your father before I am your friend. You won’t like me today, but you will love me tomorrow for sticking with my decisions.”
5. Encourage them to Honor and Respect Authority – Your children must learn to honor those who God has placed over them, even if you may not agree with the leader. They need to honor and respect the position at the very least. If they can learn this in the home, they will develop a lifestyle of respecting God, their spouse, their boss, and their civil leaders. There were many times I stood with a teacher instead of my child in a conflict in order to help them understand the importance of respecting their authority.
6. Challenge them to Stand for What is Right not What is Popular – Children today must be taught to stand for what is right. Their life might depend on it. Teach them certain values before there comes the temptation to challenge them. Teach them that favor with God will always supersede favor with peers.
7. Teach them to Forgive Others – A child must learn that the sun can never go down on their anger. If an offense occurs, challenge them to confront it and deal with it Biblically. Help them to see that unforgiveness poisons the person who won’t forgive more than the one that needs to be forgiven. Help them to live life with a clean heart.
8. Inspire them to Love All People – Go out of  your way to model to them that everyone matters to God, therefore they matter to us. Don’t just say it model it. Give the guy on the street corner some money regardless of what you think. Allow someone to come live with you when they have no place to go. Make comments about those that are being ostracized by other demeaning individuals. Challenge them to invite the child who is all alone over to play. Regardless of a person’s beliefs, behaviors or perspectives, all must be loved.
9. Disciple them to Embrace a Strong Work Ethic – Don’t spoil your kids and rob them of the important lesson of working for a living. Don’t allow them to develop a mentality that they deserve something they have not yet earned. Teach them to work hard. Reward them when the do, and exhort them when they don’t.
10. Direct them to Fulfill Their God-Ordained Purpose – Help them to live every day on purpose. Every moment of every day matters to God. They will be held accountable as to how they lived each day. Help them to maximize the moment. Turn off the TV and put a book in front of them.  Help them discover their talents and abilities. Encourage them to invest their lives into helping others and building the church. Inspire them to live life to the full.

The Redwood Trees are the largest living things on earth and tallest trees in the world. Some are over 300 feet tall and more than 2500 years old. You would think these trees would have a root system that reaches hundreds of feet down in the earth, but that is not the case. Redwoods have a very shallow root system. The roots, however, are intertwined. They are tied up with each other; interlocked. They support and sustain each other. Hold each other up during storms, and depend on each other in order to survive.

This is a beautiful picture of what the church was intended to be. So  many treat church as a weekend experience only, and wonder why their lives are still filled with loneliness and lack of fulfillment. God had a perfect plan in mind, and that plan was to build a community that was the central component to a believer’s life.  Randy Frazee, in his book, “The Connecting Church” says, “The experience of authentic community is one of the purposes God intends to be fulfilled by the church. God intended the church not to be one bolt on the wheel of activity in our lives, but the very hub at the center of one’s life.”

The very thing that people are looking for today is the very thing that Authentic Community in the local church offers. There are four key components that are presented in the Book of Acts, that define God’s plan for you. These will only be found in the truest sense, in the context of doing life together in the context of the local church. These are:

1. Meaningful Relationships.
2. Genuine Care
3. Authentic Growth
4. Lasting Purpose.

I will be speaking on this subject during all CBC services on the weekend of February 20-21. If you can’t make it out, check out the message on our website, www.citybiblechurch.org or let me know and I would love to send you a set of my notes FREE OF CHARGE. Just send me an email at marc@citybiblechurch.org and I will get them into your hands

Life is much like a masquerade ball – A masquerade ball is an event which the participants attend in costume wearing a mask. The masked guests are supposedly dressed so as to be unidentifiable. This creates a type of game to see if a guest can determine each others’ identities. These gala events date back into the 15th century and were popular amongst royalty and the upper class. Many films and operas have been built around this mystic celebration including “The Phantom of the Opera.”

Although masquerade balls are intended to be a fun, isolated special event, many of us today live our lives daily, much like we are attending a Masquerade party. We begin by deciding who we want to become and what we want to look like (good or bad).  Then we pick out our outfits; the words we will choose, the lies we will tell, the secrets we will hide and the stories we will build. Next, we parade ourselves out into the real world, hiding our true identity behind the mask, never really allowing anyone to know who we really are.   We play the game, talk the talk  and do life together, but behind masks lies loneliness, hurts, wounds, insecurity and pain.

 Yet when we get all alone and take off the mask, we realize that our life is unfulfilling, non-meaningful and empty. We long for love and relationship yet we just don’t know how to get out from behind our masks and build healthy, lasting relationships.

A mask is simply, “a covering to disguise or conceal the face. To make unrecognizable.  To hide under a false appearance.” We may not literally walk around with a mask on our face, but many today do shroud themselves with invisible masks that paralyze their ability to build healthy relationships.  They disguise and conceal their real identity. They simply live a life in hiding. 

As long as you hide behind your ‘mask’ you will never fill the voids, heal the hurts of fix the problems!  Reality is, if we are totally honest with ourselves, EVERYONE has experienced life behind the mask.

Here are eight masks many of us wear today:

1. Mask of Pain – Caused by hurts and disappointments.  Psalm 73:14
2. Mask of Brokenness – Caused by life’s tragedies, trials and setbacks. Proverbs 17:22
3. Mask of Insecurity – Caused by lack of affirmation, low self-esteem, and wrong view of self. Psalm 129:33
4. Mask of Bitterness – Caused by offenses, misunderstandings and unresolved conflict.Psalm 73:21
5. Mask of Shame – Caused by embarrassment from wrong actions and mistakes you have made. Genesis 3:8
6. Mask of Selfishness – Caused by pride, arrogance and focusing regularly on your own needs.James 3:14
7. Mask of Fear – Caused by fear of the unknown, primarily in developing a new relationship. Psalm 55:5  
8. Mask of Wrong Motivations – Caused by ambition, busyness or preoccupation to pursue things of perceived value at the expense of relationships. James 4:3

In order to find true fulfillment in your life an unlock all of God’s blessings you must remove the masks and face reality.

Here are some simple steps you can take to removing your masks:

1. Get alone with God and ask Him to show you your masks – You probably know them well.
2. Be honest with yourself and face the issues – Ask someone else to be honest with you.
3. Pray and overcome them – Pray until breakthrough, daily! Every time it shows up confront i.
4. Bury your mask – Renounce it, don’t let it define you, walk from it, never to return.
5. Take the risk to live life beyond the mask – Make practical plan to step out in new ways.

Relationships have a profound shaping power in your life.  Much of what you become in life is a result of relationships. Your parents played a key role in shaping your morals, values, and world view. Your teachers have shaped your perspective in many foundational areas. Your friends have a huge impact on the way you act as well.

If relationships are so critical to the outcome of who we become, it would behoove us to carefully consider the friends we choose to integrate into our lives. A few months ago I shared the seven “C’s” for developing relationships that would be a great benefit to a person’s life. As you review these seven areas, consider the relationships that you currently have or are beginning to establish with others:

Assess Their Convictions

1.    Beliefs

2.   Values

3.  Morals

 

  Clarify their Core Values

1.    Loyalty

2.   Faithfulness

3.   Honesty

4.  Encouragment

5.  Giving

6. Accountability

7.  Purity

8.  Level of Love

9.  Willingness to Sacrifice

 

Discern their Character

1.    Personal Standards

2.    Attitudes

3.    Actions

4.    Reputation

5.    Maturity levels – Spiritual, relational, emotional

 

Discover their Chemistry

1.    Hobbies and Interests

2.    Passions

3.    Gifts and Talents

4.    Personality

 

Understand their Calling

1.    Identify their purpose

2.    Ministry involvement (or lack of)

3.    Long term vision for life

 

Check out their Companions

1.    Friends and Acquaintances

2.    Girl or Boy Friend (or spouse)

3.    Their children (if applicable),

 

Review their Commitments

1.    Commitment to other relationships (God, parents, pastors, peers)

2.    Commitment to their local church

3.    Commitment to their jobs.

4.    Commitment to themselves.

 

Hopefully, these simple, yet important guidelines will help you to build lasting relationships that will propel you towards all that God has destined you to be. Give it a shot and see if you are pleasantly surprised.

Last night I spoke downtown at the “Pearl.” We are in a series called, “World Changers” and it is based on the Beatitudes taught by Jesus in Matthew 5. I focused last night on being a PeaceMAKER. I did a top ten list and many of those attending asked for a copy, so here it is:

YOU KNOW YOU AREN’T A PEACEMAKER IF…
10. …You friends call you “Road Rage Rhonda” and you don’t seem to understand why.

9. …You find yourself having heated arguments with ‘that’ person when no one is around.

8. …Are walking the long way around the sanctuary to avoid ‘that person’, but you tell your friends you just staying committed to you new Richard Simmons Exercise program.

7. …You converted the picture of your boss to a Dart board and throwing darts daily as your personal devotions.

6. …You catch yourself beating up the pillows on your couch while watching, “The Office.”

5. …Your blood pressure is 200/160… on a good day.

4. …Send baking powder to one of your teachers in the mail and write the word “anthrax” on the envelope.

3. …Anonymously sign up your irritating co-worker for monthly shipment of expensive cigars from the “Havanna Cigar Club”

2. …You send a text to your best friend telling them how excited you are that the creep who lives next door got pulled over by the police.

1. …You subconsciously draw horns and a tail on the pastor’s picture in the bulletin during his message because he didn’t say hi to you six years ago.