Marc Estes

Relationships are central to our existence. We were created to have a relationship with God. We were born into a family to have relationships with our parents and siblings. We are immersed in a world where relationships are essential to functioning in society. Intrinsic to our nature is the need for vibrant, healthy relationships. We thrive when they exist and spiral when they are absent. Whether we like it or not, the need to develop productive relationships is a primary role of our lives.

When we value relationships for the wrong reasons, or when there is no advantage to be gained, people quickly become disposable. But relationships must not be reduced to a commodity and must not be disposable, because they are God’s highest value and intersect the essence of what it means to be a human. The way we choose to relate to one another defined the quality ofour human experience and reveal what we value most.

The other day, I picked up a book called, “Relational Intelligence,” written by Steve Saccone. I don’t know if this was a good move, because it has forced me to assess my relational skills and make some adjustments in how I relate to others. I do think I am fairly good at relating to people, but the more I read, the more I realized that some ‘tweeking’ was in order.  Relational Intelligence is defined as “the ability to learn, understand, and comprehend knowledge as it relates to interpersonal dynamics.  The big idea of the book is help the reader in enhancing the quality of their relationships and expand their influence; a MUST read for all!

There is a great online assessment tool called, “Relational Assessment Test,”  that you can use for free. It takes about 7-10 minutes and will assess how you relate to others.  You will answer a series of questions and it will give you your strengths and weaknesses in the  following seven relational areas:

• The Compelling Relator
• The Likeable Hero
• The Conversational Futurist
• The Story Collector
• The Self-Awareness Person
• The Energy Carrier
• The Disproportionate Investor.

At the end of the assessment, you will immediately get a read out of your results along with a link to download some thoughts on how  you might better strengthen your relational skills in your weak areas. It is a fascinating study. For the record, I scored highest as a Conversational Futurist and a Compelling Relator. I was weakest in the Likeable Hero and Story Collector categories… I have some work to do in those areas.

The book does a great job of defining each of these area and why they are important for you to develop as a person.

If you are serious about strengthening your relationships and having great influence, take the risk, get the book and choose to upgrade your relational world. You won’t be disappointed!

It is evident that there has been a colossal shift in the morals of the world as we know it today. What used to be considered outlandish has become the accepted norm. As Christians, we look to the rapid decline of morals and may never consider that the decline may be partially our fault. Before you click off this post, give me a few seconds. I am not saying that you personally have bad morals, but maybe the absence of your convictions being lived out and intentionally communicated in society could contribute to the reality our current disastrous situation. Edmun Burke, the Irish Political Philosopher, said centuries ago and his words still remain true, “All the it needed for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”

Here is an interesting statement made by John Stott where he deals with decisive issues facing us Christians today. He states, “Our Christian habit is to bewail the world’s deteriorating standards with an air of rather self-righteous dismay. We criticize its violence, dishonesty, immorality, disregard for human life and materialistic greed. ‘The world is going down the drain,’ we say with a shrug. But whose fault is it really? Who is to blame? Let me put it like this. If the house is dark when night fall comes, there is no sense in blaming the house, for that is what happens when the sun goes down. The question is to ask is, ‘Where is the light?’ If the meat goes bad and becomes inedible, there is no sense in blaming the meat, for that is what happens when bacteria are left alone to breed. The question to ask is, ‘Where is the salt?’ Just so, if society deteriorates and its standards decline, until it becomes like a dark night or stinking fish, there is no sense in blaming society, for that is what happens when fallen men and women are left to themselves, and human selfishness is unchecked. The question to ask is, ‘Where is the church? Why are the salt and light of Jesus Christ not permeating and changing our society?’ It is sheer hypocrisy on our part to raise our eyebrows, shrug our shoulders or wring our hands. The Lord Jesus told us to be the world’s salt and light. If therefore darkness and rottenness abound, it is our fault and we must accept the blame.”

I do believe that we must begin to align our behaviors with our beliefs and truly become a positive influence and role model to those around us. People need to see the Christian faith lived out in everyday living, in our relationships, in our marriages, in our parenting, in our finances, in our social behaviors and yes, our confessions.  2 Chronicles 7:14 says it best, “if MYpeople,  MYGod-define people, respond by humbling themselves, praying, seeking my presence, and turning their backs on their wicked lives, I’ll be there ready for you: I’ll listen from heaven, forgive their sins and restore their land to health.” (MSG, emphasis mine).  Note that it is what WE do that restores the land, not what the world does.  Jesus labeled us as salt and light, as well as challenged us that if we don’t fulfill the intent of our lives, we are ‘good for nothing.’ Pretty tough words, but maybe they are worth considering and applying to our lives?

Let’s make it our aim to challenge and inspire anyone that comes within our range to start a “Living out our Faith” revolution. You never know, we just might turn nations around!

There is something unusual about an Ironman triathlete.  This are of the very special sort unlike a typical triathlete. The Ironman competition, famous for being the ultimate test of endurance, challenges each participant to their limit. In one race they will swim 2.4 miles,  bike 112 miles and if that is not enough to give most a massive heart attack, they tack on a  26.2 mile run (yes, a marathon).

What is more fascinating about these athletes is the disciplined training and diet they must follow in order to make sure that each muscle group is strengthened and prepared for each event. Their diet must consist of heavy amounts of liquid, complex carbohydrates and anything else to fuel their body for each training and the race itself.

Life is very similar to an Ironman race.  Each of us wake up every day with the great possibility of facing tests, trials, challenges and set backs. These pressure points hit at different levels of our being; body, soul and spirit. How we prepare each of these three areas of our lives will determine the outcome of our race.

You are a triathlete. Great skill and discipline is required to strengthen your body, your soul and your spirit. It is imperative that you understand the things that drain each of these areas of your life and what replenishes them.  Let’s consider the three.

BODY – What is it that drains your body? Lack of sleep, lack of exercise, or bad diet? Now ask yourself, “What is it that replenishes me?” How is your eating and exercise discipline? Are you taking care of the body God has entrusted to your care? You only get one body in this life, you ought to make taking care of it your utmost priority. No one can eat good for you or exercise for you. If you are feeling weary and tired, you might consider making some course adjustments to strengthen your body.

SOUL – How are your emotions lately? Do you know what drains  you? Are you feeling stress, worry, fear, anxiety, discouragement, anger, unforgiveness? If this is the case, chances are you are focused on the wrong thing. These are all indicators that something is out of balance in your life. God uses this gauge to help you realize that there is a course adjustment needed. Find out what you need to do to replenish yourself. It might be a date with your spouse (or a just a date for your single folk), a night at the movies, sleeping in and enjoying a day, a round of golf or even sky diving. Whatever floats your boat, find it and practice it often.

SPIRIT – There are obvious ways in which to replenish your spirit. A daily diet of prayer, bible and worship is a great start. The greater the pressure the greater the intake.  If you are hitting your pillow and barely making it through the day, chances are it is time to dial up the spiritual diet.  And don’t forget active involvement and attendance in your local church family.

As you look forward to the days ahead, put together a strategy that will allow you to finish the race with joy. Paul  says in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, “You’ve all been to the stadium and seen the athletes’ race. Everyone runs; one wins. RUN TO WIN. All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You’re after one that’s gold eternally. I don’t know about you, but I’m running hard for the finish line. I’m giving it everything I’ve got. No sloppy living for me! I’m staying alert and in top condition. I’m not going to get caught napping, telling everyone else all about it and then missing out myself.”

Run your race to win. Train hard, make it your aim to succeed not just survive!

 

The Old Testament is filled with examples of how God used life experiences in forming the destiny of those He loved. Most notable is the children of Israel and their journey from bondage in Egypt (which represents life before Christ), through the Red Sea (conversion experience), into the wilderness (life as a Christian), and the Promised Land (the promise of eternity in heaven). Keep in mind, the end goal was not happiness in the wilderness, but reaching their destination. Here, in this framework, Moses wrote, “Remember every road that God led you on for those forty years in the wilderness, pushing you to your limits, testing you so that he would know what you were made of, whether you would keep his commandments or not. He put you through hard times. He made you go hungry” (Deut. 8:2–3, MSG). Sound pretty compassionate? Loving? Well, let the guy finish. “Your clothes didn’t wear out and your feet didn’t blister those forty years. You learned deep in your heart that God disciplines you in the same ways a father disciplines his child” (Deut. 8:4–5, MSG).

The point is this: the trials that God allows you to face are His way of lovingly disciplining you to ultimately help you reach your destination in one piece. He is dedicated to helping you, not hurting you, regardless of the cost, even if it means placing obstacles in your life to get your attention. We’ve been given the all-encompassing task of finding out what opportunities are awaiting us beyond our own life experiences. Though life’s bruises might have hurt, their outcome is destined for our good.

How refreshing to know that God has taken great interest in our lives! We haven’t been left alone, but have been set on a course to accomplish great things during our lifetime. He guides us, directs us, disciplines us, challenges us … all because He loves us. Our responsibility is to set our sights on our purpose, to not lose heart, and to never give up.

Regardless of your profession, age, marital status or culture, communication is a key component of doing life.  The way in which life moves forward is on the waves of words. We use them in every aspect of life and how they are used has a great bearing as to whether the message we are intending to communicate is understood and received.

Albert Mehrabian discovered that face-to-face communication can be broken down into three definable components (Click on link for more):

1. Words – What we say.

2. Tone of voice – How we say it.

3. Body language -  How we show it.

Studies have shown that as much as 90 percent of what we communicate has nothing to do with just what we say, but the combination of all factors.  I can ask my wife, “Honey, how are you doing?” If she pauses, looks down and whispers, “I’m fine.” I know that the words spoken are greatly altered by the tone of voice and her body language therefore giving me a signal that her true communication to me is, “I really need some love and encouragement.”

Whether you are a leader, pastor, or even college student, learning how to understand communication from others as well as how to communicate to others, may very well be some of the most important skills you will ever learn.

What you Say- Words are a very powerful tool to win the hearts of people, but can also be a very dangerous weapon that can destroy the hearts of many.  Great attention should be given as to what you say to ANYONE. If you are preparing for a message, take as much time to craft the words you will share as you do the content of what is to be shared. If you are going to chat with someone that has offended, take the time to write down what ‘should’ be said to bring restoration, not what ‘could’ be said to vent your feelings. If you are bringing correction to a child or co-worker, think through what words would be the best to identify the weakness, but also allow them to know that you are on their side. And remember, a few less selective words is better than a mouthful of vain babbling!

How you say it- The tone of your voice is perhaps the most influential part of communication. How something is said has a great bearing on the intent behind the words. That is why texting and email communication can have huge misunderstanding; you simply have to interpret what is being said, without the the emotion of the communicator. Side note, learn to pick up the phone instead of texting when sensitive communication issues are being discussed.  I have learned along the way, it is better to wait to communicate, until my emotions are in order. If I feel angry, frustrated, agitated or hurt in anyway, I would rather say nothing, wait, pray and get my head together and make sure I am communicating with the right spirit and attitude than spewing a sea of regretful words.  Take the time to get your head together, before you open your mouth.

How you show it – Body language is another critical part to your communication, and can really be the real indicator as to how you really feel.  How you stand or sit, cross your arms or legs, look down, up or away all will have a bearing on what people think you are trying to say.  If you are trying to reinforce your love for someone, lean in. If you are frustrated with someone, then lean back and get out of their space.  Maintain eye contact, and learn not to look away. Refrain from crossing your arms and set them in your lap instead. Use your body as a tool to reinforce your words, not breed confusion in the listener.

These simple yet important principles will make a difference in the receptivity of your listeners. Let’s all attempt to apply these principles in our daily lives and make our communication a major discipline. You never know, you just might get the message across!

Let us face reality, TV has become a part of life for billions of people. The truth of the matter is, it is here to stay. The TV industry continues to expand in its influence as well as the viewing options that are available for any home. There are channels which teach us how to read and write, in addition to giving us 24 hour weather. We are inundated with a variety of entertainment which range from preaching the gospel to pornography. The tragedy is that we allow more people into our homes through our TV that we would never allow in through the front door.

You might want to consider the affect of television on your life and the lives of your family members. Listed below are some statistics sorted by category, followed up by some of the influnces of television. Please understand that I am not on a “Throw Your TV Away” campaign, but do suggest that you monitor what is being viewed in your home and make some decisions to minimize its affect.

According to the A.C. Nielsen Co. (Compiled by TV-Free America):

• The average American watches more than 4 hours of TV each day
• Or 28 hours/week
• Or 2 months of nonstop TV-watching per year.
• In a 65-year life, that person will have spent 9 years glued to the tube. Compiled by TV-Free America

 I. FAMILY LIFE

• Percentage of households that possess at least one television: 99
• Number of TV sets in the average U.S. household: 2.24
• Percentage of U.S. homes with three or more TV sets: 66
• Number of hours per day that TV is on in an average U.S. home: 6 hours, 47 minutes
• Percentage of Americans that regularly watch television while eating dinner: 66
• Number of hours of TV watched annually by Americans: 250 billion
• Value of that time assuming an average wage of S5/hour: S1.25 trillion
• Percentage of Americans who pay for cable TV: 56
• Number of videos rented daily in the U.S.: 6 million
• Number of public library items checked out daily: 3 million
• Percentage of Americans who say they watch too much TV: 49

 II. CHILDREN

• Approximate number of studies examining TV’s effects on children: 4,000
• Number of minutes per week that parents spend in meaningful conversation with their children: 3.5
•  Number of minutes per week that the average child watches television: 1,680
• Percentage of day care centers that use TV during a typical day: 70
• Percentage of parents who would like to limit their children’s TV watching: 73
• Percentage of 4-6 year-olds who, when asked to choose between watching TV
• and spending time with their fathers, preferred television: 54
• Hours per year the average American youth spends in school: 900 hours
• Hours per year the average American youth watches television: 1500

 III. VIOLENCE

• Number of murders seen on TV by the time an average child finishes elementary school: 8,000
• Number of violent acts seen on TV by age 18: 200,000
• Percentage of Americans who believe TV violence helps precipitate real life mayhem: 79

IV. COMMERCIALISM

• Number of 30-second TV commercials seen in a year by an average child: 20,000
• Number of TV commercials seen by the average person by age 65: 2 million
• Percentage of survey participants (1993) who said that TV commercials
• Aimed at children make them too materialistic: 92
• Rank of food products/fast-food restaurants among TV advertisements to kids: 1
• Total spending by 100 leading TV advertisers in 1993: $15 billion

V. GENERAL

• Percentage of local TV news broadcast time devoted to advertising: 30
• Percentage devoted to stories about crime, disaster and war: 53.8
• Percentage devoted to public service announcements: 0.7
• Percentage of Americans who can name The Three Stooges: 59
• Percentage who can name at least three justices of the U.S. Supreme Court: 17

VI. INFLUENCE OF TELEVISION 

For decades, research and studies have demonstrated that heavy television-viewing may lead to serious health consequences. Now the American medical community, which has long-voiced its concerns about the nation’s epidemic of violence, TV addiction and the passive, sedentary nature of TV-watching, is taking a more activist stance, demonstrated by its endorsement of National TV-Turnoff Week.

The average child will watch 8,000 murders on TV before finishing elementary school. By age eighteen, the average American has seen 200,000 acts of violence on TV, including 40,000 murders. At a meeting in Nashville, TN last July, Dr. John Nelson of the American Medical Association (an endorser of National TV-Turnoff Week) said that if 2,888 out of 3,000 studies show that TV violence is a casual factor in real-life mayhem, “it’s a public health problem.” The American Psychiatric Association addressed this problem in its endorsement of National TV-Turnoff Week, stating, “We have had a long-standing concern with the impact of television on behavior, especially among children.”

Millions of Americans are so hooked on television that they fit the criteria for substance abuse as defined in the official psychiatric manual, according to Rutgers University psychologist and TV-Free America board member Robert Kubey. Heavy TV viewers exhibit five dependency symptoms–two more than necessary to arrive at a clinical diagnosis of substance abuse. These include: 1) using TV as a sedative; 2) indiscriminate viewing; 3) feeling loss of control while viewing; 4) feeling angry with oneself for watching too much; 5) inability to stop watching; and 6) feeling miserable when kept from watching.

Violence and addiction are not the only TV-related health problems. A National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey released in October 1995 found 4.7 million children between the ages of 6-17 (11% of this age group) to be severely overweight, more than twice the rate during the 1960′s. The main culprits: inactivity (these same children average more than 22 hours of television-viewing a week) and a high-calorie diet. A 1991 study showed that there were an average of 200 junk food ads in four hours of children’s Saturday morning cartoons.

According to William H. Deitz, pediatrician and prominent obesity expert at Tufts University School of Medicine, “The easiest way to reduce inactivity is to turn off the TV set. Almost anything else uses more energy than watching TV.”

Children are not the only Americans suffering from weight problems; one-third of American adults are overweight. According to an American Journal of Public Health study, an adult who watches three hours of TV a day is far more likely to be obese than an adult who watches less than one hour.

Sometimes the problem is not too much weight; it’s too little. Seventy-five percent of American women believe they are too fat, an image problem that often leads to bulimia or anorexia. Sound strange? Not when one takes into account that female models and actresses are twenty-three percent thinner than the average woman and thinner than ninety-five percent of the female population.

There is proven research that shows that there is one major component in a children’s life that can radically improve the outcome of their life.  This is beyond great parenting and may surprise you. This morning during the weekend service, Pastor Frank Damazio mentioned these statistics regarding this encouraging subject. I hope that you will not only find it encouraging, but consider making church a priority for your children!  Here are the results found when children are committed to a healthy church environment. It will:

1. increase the average life expectancy of your children by 8 years

2. significantly reduce your child’s use and risk from Alcohol, Tobacco and Drugs

3. dramatically lower their risk of suicide

4. help them rebound from depression 70% faster

5. dramatically reduce their risk for committing a crime

6. improve their attitude at school and increase their school participation

7. reduce their risk for rebelliousness

8. reduce the likelihood that they would binge drink in college

9. improve their odds for a “very happy” life

10. provide them with a life-long moral compass

11. provide children with a caring extended family

12. get them to wear their seatbelts more often

13. and will also statistically improve the odds that they will lead an active church life in their adults years

 

Over the past few years I have posted some resource tools that are designed to help you in becoming a more effective leader. These items have been very popular and I have received many encouraging emails as to how they have helped others. I thought it would be good to put the list in front of you and allow you to download as many FREE resources as you want.

Let me know which ones have been a blessing to you!

FREE Downloadable Leadership Notes

Connecting to Community – Web Verison

Building a Thriving Team Culture – Web Version

Building a Leadership Pipeline – Web Version

Keys to a successful Volunteer Ministry- Web Version

Destroying Disabling Delusions of Discipleship – Web Version

2007_multi_site_survey

Combatting Perspectives of the Church – web

 

FREE Evangelism Resources

Irresistible Christianity Handbook

The Road Ahead Follow Up Booklet

Sharing the Gospel in the 21st Century – web version

 

FREE Pastoral Resources

Counseling in the Local Church

Water Baptism Booklet

FREE Self Assessment Tests

Identifying Your Spiritual Gifts

Defining Your Passions

Clarifying Your Talents and Abilities

Learning About Your Personal Makeup

Discerning Your Spiritual Maturity

Making Sense of Your Life Experiences

Making Priority Adjustments

 

FREE Downloadable Charts

Leader Development Chart BLANK

Leader Development Chart EXAMPLE

Growth Strategies Chart

Small Group Personal Growth and Development Chart

FREE Downloadable Miscellaneous Leadership Documents

Leadership Recruitment Code of Ethics

ENGAGEMENT READINESS EVALUATION

Most of us avoid conflict at all costs. First of all, it is no fun. Secondly, our natural tendency is to avoid confrontation. However, avoiding conflict will not solve the issue at hand, but will only multiply it.  The reality is, sooner or later, you will have to face the situation, and facing it early on in it’s conception will greatly reduce the potential of an all out war.

Here are some things you migh consider the next time you have to confront a situation or person:

1. Confront in private, not in public – Don’t create a scene, or embarrass someone. Have some wisdom and find a quiet place.

2. Don’t delay – The longer you wait, the harder it becomes and the easier it is to justify why you should leave it alone -

3. Deal only with a single iusse – Don’t bring a laundry list and attempt to address every issue that is on your mind. It may be overwhelming.

4. Don’t repeat yourself – Unless they didn’t hear what was being said, avoid be redundant. Most people comprehend the issues being presented.

5. Be careful of the words you use -  Don’t be condescending and don’t exaggerate of overstate your issues.

6.  Don’t confront issues that a person can’t change – There are some issues beyond a persons ability to control. Be sensitive to the battles you choose to face.

7.  Avoid demeaning or tearing the person down -  Talk to the person, don’t talk down to the person.

8. Help direct the person to acknowledging their problem by asking open ended questions -  You might consider asking questions that cause them to own the problem.

9. Don’t apologize for being truthful – Being sheepish will only minimize the truth that you are trying to communicate.

10. End on a positive note -  Reaffirm your support, thank them for listening and communicate your commitment to forgive and move forward.

Over the past few months our church has been investigating ways in which we might assist in combating the child sex trafficking in the Portland/Vancouver area.  Our city has been nicknamed, “Pornland” by Dan Rathers and has become one of the highest areas for sex trafficking in the entire United States.

Our journey has begun, by making a commitment to get involved and use our influence and resources to make a difference. On Sunday evening, August 15th, Pastor Frank presented our passion and commitment to get involved to the congregation at our Super Sunday Night. We asked our congregation to consider getting invovled in five different areas:

1. Commitment to Pray – We handed out thousands of prayer cards and asked people to pray. Over 300 people committed to pray daily for the cause.

2. Purchase a Care Package for Victims – Emergency Care Kits are available to any women who come into a S.A.R.C. drop in center.  Their need consisted of approximately 200 care packages for a year. We were able to commit to purchasing 246 Care Kits, thanks to the generosity of the CBC family.

3. Purchase Quilts – During the winter, most of these young girls are cold and need bedding to assist with their circumstance. The annual need is for 100 quilts. We were able to raise the money to purchase 127 quilts!

4. General Donations – We asked the congregation to donate money toward developing a ministry base in which we might be able to begin attacking the problem. The church raised over $1400 with many more commitments.

5. Volunteer to serve – Almost 200 people stepped up to the plate and made the commitment to serve in some capacity.

I am so proud of our church and their passion and commitment toward those in need. We truly do have a heart for the city and desire to make a difference.  If you are interested in helping us, you can also donate to help with the cause simply by clicking here, and selecting the ”Fight Sex Trafficking” category.

Here is a recent video that was also posted on Facebook, by a close friend, Tanell Morton. It will give you a fresh perspective at the challenges ahead.