Marc Estes

This year I will be celebrating the 30th year of being a parent. I by no means claim to be an expert and have a long ways before I could ever even spell the name, “DOBSIN” (just kidding, I know it is Dobson).  Over these three decades I must admit that I have made many mistakes, yet have also made some good decisions as well. Through it all, I have landed on some basic foundation truths that I  have instilled in my children that have produced some pretty good children that I have grown to deeply love and respect.

If you are just beginning the journey as a parent, or are somewhere along the way, you might read carefully, as each of these truths were forged through much effort on both the part of my wife and I, as well as our children. Here is my top ten list to build strong children:

1. Teach Them to Love God and Cherish His Word – The most important thing you can ever do for your child is to help them see that God is the most important thing in their lives.  If you could only do one thing for your child, teach them to love God and His Word. Make church a priority. Do family devotions. Read the Bible with them. Establish a passion for spiritual disciplines in their lives.
2. Model your Values, Don’t Preach Them – The principle of “Do what I say, not what I do” just doesn’t work. Children become a byproduct of their environment. The language you speak, the music you listen to, the shows you watch, the comments you make about others, the attitudes you carry will most likely become implanted into your children.  I tried my best to show my children certain values, not just tell them certain values. What you live is what they will get!
3. Develop Deep Personal Relationships – The balance to a home that expects high values and morals is deep, personal relationships. Your children are the most important people you could ever spend time with. Let your kids know they are deeply loved. Be honest and transparent. Ask forgiveness when you are wrong. Learn to have fun at their level. 
4. Don’t Compromise Your Convictions for their Acceptance – Learn to stand for your convictions, even if your child is upset with you. I used to always tell my daughters, “I am your father before I am your friend. You won’t like me today, but you will love me tomorrow for sticking with my decisions.”
5. Encourage them to Honor and Respect Authority – Your children must learn to honor those who God has placed over them, even if you may not agree with the leader. They need to honor and respect the position at the very least. If they can learn this in the home, they will develop a lifestyle of respecting God, their spouse, their boss, and their civil leaders. There were many times I stood with a teacher instead of my child in a conflict in order to help them understand the importance of respecting their authority.
6. Challenge them to Stand for What is Right not What is Popular – Children today must be taught to stand for what is right. Their life might depend on it. Teach them certain values before there comes the temptation to challenge them. Teach them that favor with God will always supersede favor with peers.
7. Teach them to Forgive Others – A child must learn that the sun can never go down on their anger. If an offense occurs, challenge them to confront it and deal with it Biblically. Help them to see that unforgiveness poisons the person who won’t forgive more than the one that needs to be forgiven. Help them to live life with a clean heart.
8. Inspire them to Love All People – Go out of  your way to model to them that everyone matters to God, therefore they matter to us. Don’t just say it model it. Give the guy on the street corner some money regardless of what you think. Allow someone to come live with you when they have no place to go. Make comments about those that are being ostracized by other demeaning individuals. Challenge them to invite the child who is all alone over to play. Regardless of a person’s beliefs, behaviors or perspectives, all must be loved.
9. Disciple them to Embrace a Strong Work Ethic – Don’t spoil your kids and rob them of the important lesson of working for a living. Don’t allow them to develop a mentality that they deserve something they have not yet earned. Teach them to work hard. Reward them when the do, and exhort them when they don’t.
10. Direct them to Fulfill Their God-Ordained Purpose – Help them to live every day on purpose. Every moment of every day matters to God. They will be held accountable as to how they lived each day. Help them to maximize the moment. Turn off the TV and put a book in front of them.  Help them discover their talents and abilities. Encourage them to invest their lives into helping others and building the church. Inspire them to live life to the full.